How to support a child's social development?

What is a child's social development?

 Child's social development It's about learning to be with others every day: naming feelings, asking for and accepting help, cooperating, and resolving disputes peacefully. In practice, your little one seeks a balance between "me" (what I feel and what I need) and "we" (how my behavior affects others).

This process based on everyday life. It is supported by clear rules and a predictable rhythm. It works best when there is a calm adult nearby, who models the relationship with their attitude: they see the child, call out what's difficult, and give them time to try again. It is in their presence that the child gains confidence that they can be with others and at the same time remain themselves.

When does social development begin in children?

Social development begins when a baby discovers the joy of being "in contact": it seeks the adult's gaze, returns a smile, and babbles. A moment later, the first "dialogues" appear – the baby waits for a response, repeats sounds, follows the caregiver's face; in uncertain situations, it glances at the caregiver to "read" what they're feeling. Over time, it not only looks but also divides attention: They point "look!" and bring back a toy to show what makes them happy. This is the foundation of relationships – a child learns that with another person, they can be in rhythm: I speak, you respond. Then, they move from mere observation to simple interactions: passing and exchanging, imitating and repeating, so that in subsequent years, they increasingly choose to be "together," not just "next to." This is how a readiness for shared play, first agreements, and short-term friendships arises.

What are the stages of social development in children?

• 1–2 years: “Me!” and parallel play

What you usually see: strong “mine” and “no”, the need to decide about oneself; playing next to others, a lot of observing and imitating; first signals of request/refusal through gestures and words; sharing attention with an adult (“look!”); high intensity of emotions in case of frustration, relief in movement and repetition.

What helps: a constant daily rhythm, short and clear messages (“I want / I don’t want / please / stop”), calm boundaries repeated in the same language.

• 2–3 years: First contracts and "my turn"

What you usually see: alternation in play appears; short cooperation and simple negotiations (“now you, then me”); attempts to set boundaries with words and gestures; growing curiosity of peers with still short “time together”; emotions were sometimes violent - the child intensively learns his own and other people’s boundaries.

What helps: rituals, simple rules established with the child, support in "repairing" after a dispute (returning, exchanging, asking for another turn).

• 3–4 years: Role-play and first “friendships”

What you usually see: richer role-playing (house, shop, doctor); division of roles and creation of simple rules; "friendships for today", quick changes in alliances; first, more frequent flashes of empathy (noticing someone else's joy/taste/disappointment); increasing readiness to apologize and return to harmony.

What helps: establishing rules together, naming feelings and needs, encouraging people to look for solutions instead of blaming others.

• Ages 5-6: Cooperation, Rules, and "That's Not Fair!"

What you usually see: longer group games, better understanding and following the rules; sensitivity to justice ("it's not fair!"); increasingly frequent independent ideas for resolving conflicts; more self-control and waiting for one's turn, although in times of strong emotions, adult support is still needed.

What helps: games and tasks "for the team", assigning small responsibilities, teaching simple steps of communication (stop → idea → agreement → repair).

• Ages 7-9: Friendships and Responsibility 

What you usually see: More lasting relationships and loyalty; the need to belong to a group and a willingness to take on "long-term" tasks; a growing understanding of the other person's perspective and the consequences of one's actions; in moments of overload, temporary "regressions" to younger strategies are possible (this is natural). More lasting relationships, loyalty, and a willingness to undertake joint projects; a better understanding of the other person's perspective, although guidance is still needed in times of strong emotions.

What helps: real responsibilities (duties, projects), conversations "what helped us / what will we change next time", strengthening empathy and the courage to ask for help, support in setting boundaries.

What games support social development?

 Relationships are best developed through play. It's a safe testing ground: you can make a deal and change your mind, make a mistake and then return to agreement. Through play, children learn to take turns ("my turn—yours"), ask and refuse, set boundaries ("stop"), and find solutions "for us." Activities that combine action with contact work well: simple alternating games, short role-plays, role-playing (mom, doctor, shopkeeper), building a common goal (a tower, a house, a poster), a circle with movement or song, cooperative games, and "bridges of kindness" where we say something kind to each other. Each of these teaches something different: roles help us see the other person's perspective, building a single project familiarizes us with sharing and planning, a circle provides a predictable rhythm and a space for each voice, and cooperation reminds us that we win when we care for each other.

They work great, among others: integration games in kindergartenwhich teach cooperation, and calming games for children, supporting emotional regulation and concentration.

What social skills are most important early on?

Relationships don't have expiration dates or a single, appropriate pace. Every child develops at their own pace, and the best support comes from an adult who teaches:

• naming feelings and talking about needs,

• self-regulation,

• asking for and accepting help,

• setting and respecting boundaries,

• waiting for your turn,

• noticing others and empathy,

• cooperation and sharing,

• focusing on solutions instead of looking for culprits,

• "repairing" relationships after conflict,

• flexibility,

• that mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

and is aware of his role.

The role of adults in games supporting the social and emotional development of preschoolers

Before you begin (framework and safety):

• Set up 1-2 simple agreements: "we change after the signal", "we say Stopwhen we don't want to."

• Pause and end signal: e.g. bell/clap – “pause and we’ll be back”, “finish in a minute”.

• Space and materials: enough to be able to cooperate, but not to argue "about one thing".

• The role of an adult: "I'm close here, I help you make an appointment and get back to agreement."

During the game (accompaniment instead of control):

• Stay close, but slightly to the side – look, listen, but react only when necessary.

• Be brief and clear: "please", "not now", "let's do it differently", "tell me Stop".

• Model the language of boundaries and requests: "I don't want it this way / I want it differently, / what do you propose?"

• Reinforce alternation: remind with a signal "my turn - your turn".

• Notice the effort "you waited", "you shared", "you invited me to play".

When things get “hot” (regulation and solution focus):

• Keep without ratings: "stop – I see it's too fast/too hard."

• Name the emotion + need: "you're angry because you want to keep building."

• Suggest a micro pause: "blow out the candle" breath, sip of water,

• Focus on the solution

  • “How can we do this differently?”

  • "We agree: change every three blocks."

  • “What will we do to return to harmony?”

• Refer to natural: "we are stopping the game because it is dangerous; we will come back to it when we think about how you can play more calmly."

After the game (closing the experience):

• Short reflection (30–60 sec): "what helped us? what will we change next time?"

• Appreciation of the specific: "I liked how you suggested the change."

• Continuity announcement: "our agreement will also be valid tomorrow."

Is kindergarten necessary for social development?

Kindergarten is not a “necessary condition” – but it is a place that exceptionally accelerates and organizes this development. It allows children to have experiences that are difficult to organize on a daily basis at home: contact with a peer group, regular rituals, attentive and conscious teachers nearby and, above all, hundreds of natural situations to practice being in relationships and experiencing various emotions, needs and perspectives.

Parents who want to provide their children with such opportunities may consider private kindergartens in Warsawwhere children develop in a safe, supportive environment, benefiting from a variety of work methods in kindergarten.

 

AUTHOR:
Joanna Goc-Matyskiel
teacher, Positive Discipline educator, TUS and critical thinking trainer